Here is my labor/delivery experience. Readers beware! I was in a 50 hour induced labor and it was
long, traumatic but very rewarding when we finally met our little baby
girl.
I had a follow up
appointment for my blood pressure that Monday.
I knew my BP was high that morning and knew I was walking into a one-way
ticket straight to the hospital so I had Aaron come with me with all our bags
packed as well. And as I thought, my BP
was sky high and my doctor said you need to go to the hospital now and her
opinion was I really need to be induced, no going home like I did the Thursday
prior. She reiterated that preeclampsia
is not something to mess around with. Since I was expecting this, I didn’t
freak out like I did the previous Thursday.
I don’t know how many times I was told I had preeclampsia in that final
week but I still remained in denial that I really had it. I had such a healthy pregnancy clear up to
week 39 and just couldn’t wrap my mind around how things could change so
quickly. (Note I had pre-eclampsia
not preclampsia, I didn’t know there was a difference.)
We went to the hospital and they drew blood work and we
waited to hear what the doctor recommended.
As I sat and waited I really fretted over what to do. Do I get induced or do we get my BP down
enough that I can be released and wait it out?
I had read about being induced over the weekend and I had read some
things that made me real leery of being induced prior to my due date. As I lay there, I started to cry because I’m
such a decision maker but I just didn’t know what was best. I felt like I was making important decisions
for my baby and my own health and was torn.
Aaron comforted me and we prayed together about what is best. Aaron said it’s up to me but was concerned
that my health was not worth waiting any longer. The doctor came in and didn’t really give us
a choice; she said she highly recommends I be induced. Looking back I’m glad the decision was made
for us as I just needed someone else to make the decision for me.
As I got set up with my permanent room and got my IV going,
I had Aaron run home and take care of Charley.
We boarded her during this time just so she would be in good hands and
not neglected at home alone. At 4 pm, we
started a dose of Cervidil as my cervix was completely closed. Cervidil goes right next to the cervix and
it’s like a tampon and stays in for 12 hours to help ‘ripen and open up’ the
cervix. It did not hurt being inserted. The nurse asked if I wanted Ambien to help me
sleep, I was leery of taking a sleeping pill as I wanted to keep my overall
labor as drug free as possible but took a smaller dose than what they
recommended I take. Big mistake, I got
no sleep that night, I should have taken the recommended dose of Ambien.
At 4 am, the nurse took the Cervidil out and I was dilated 1
cm. She seemed encouraging that I was
starting to dilate so I felt encouraged as well. I was started on Pitocin at 5:45 am at a slow
rate. Then I was assigned a new nurse
and things went downhill fast that day.
The new nurse ramped up my Pitocin quickly, going up 2 levels every half
hour. By 8 am the doctor (the one I
didn’t like previously) came in and said he’s going to break my water. I said why?
Seemed early to me yet and didn’t want to rush things. He goes “Dr.
Amy said you would be like this.”
Jerk. I asked why because I
hadn’t even been on Pitocin but for a few hours and I was completely mentally
okay with letting the process take some time.
He goes well we need to break your water to keep the process going. I asked if we could wait until I’m a little
further dilated and he said very rudely, well our goal is to have this baby
asap, if you want to question my judgment, I’ll just take you off all these
machines and you can just go home. I was
about in tears; I just didn’t understand why we had to rush everything. Then he goes, I went to school for 15 years,
I know what I’m doing so if you don’t want to do this, then just go home. Oh was I pissed! Then he checked my cervix and it hurt like
hell, I felt like he was extra rough with me.
Then he goes, I couldn’t break your water if I wanted to, you are barely
1 cm. Then he said I was a 70%+ chance
of a c-section scenario even though he knew my passion to avoid one and left. I started BAWLING! Aaron comforted me and said that was uncalled
for and I just felt confused, I wasn’t ever questioning the doctor’s judgment,
I just didn’t understand why we couldn’t take things slower and let the process
work on its own to some degree, I was overwhelmed. I never said I wanted to quit and just go
home but he left me feeling like I was making bad choices for my baby and me. I went from encouraged/positive, to
completely discouraged and a wreck. It
pissed me off too that he knew I had high BP/preeclampsia and he intentionally
upset me causing my BP to go even higher.
Then the nurse came in and I was just in a bad mood and she
kept increasing my Pitocin and before noon I was on the maximum level of
Pitocin and wasn’t feeling a thing. I
stayed on max Pitocin until 5 pm that night.
Being on an all liquid diet and being pumped full of Pitocin all day, I
was exhausted, tired and emotionally run down.
Aaron and I prayed together several times throughout the day that my
body would accept the induction but it just wasn’t. That night my night nurse came in, the one I
loved and she told me we would started on Cytotec tonight, a stronger drug to
try to open my cervix. This is a tablet
that gets inserted and must be woken up every 4 hours for a 25 microgram dose
to be inserted next to my cervix. This
drug made me nervous, Cervidil we can take out if I have a bad reaction,
Cytotec once it’s in, you can’t take it out.
But again, Aaron and I prayed about it and decided to trust the
process. She put it in and I asked for
the stronger Ambien this time and fell asleep and got some amazing sleep.
Before I fell asleep, Aaron and I assessed the day. I felt so down and had cried so much that day
that we decided to look at the positives that happened. I was for the most part in no pain all day
just emotionally beat up and drained so hooray for no pain. We think it was good that doctor didn’t
deliver our baby since I just didn’t like him.
And felt it was good we didn’t break my water since nothing happened
that day, it would have definitely ended in a c-section. Although breaking my water may have sped
things along too, it’s hard telling but had to assume it was good that it didn’t
happen.
At 5 am, the nurse came in and woke me and she said she didn’t
give me the last 2 doses of the Cytotec because I was having contractions every
2-3 minutes. Really?! I wasn’t feeling a thing and slept thru
them. Then she checked me and told me I
was a good 2-2.5 cm dilated. YES! Encouraged!
I was allowed to eat some toast, finally I could eat! Then a new nurse came in and I loved her too,
she goes we are going to take Pitocin much slower today (music to my ears!) she
said that she thinks my body didn’t have a chance to respond to the Pitocin
yesterday because it was ramped up too quickly.
Then she told me encouraging words that I can do this and I can do this
naturally and she is going to help me thru this all day. So again Aaron and I prayed together and
asked God for this day to meet our baby and things to go better than the
previous day.
Within a few hours, I started to feel contractions. It was awesome!! I had an internal monitor in me so I could
see how strong they were. I was having
40-50 level contractions (active labor starts around 60-70). I was comfortable; they didn’t hurt to me,
just felt like mild cramps. Then I
started to have some up in the 60s and I was feeling uncomfortable but the pain
wasn’t unbearable. The nurse suggested
that I wait until I was dilated to a 4 before I get the epidural. She told me her opinion was to not wait any
longer after 4 cm to get it if I was planning to get one anyways. She checked me shortly after and we were so
encouraged to find out I was 4 cm! That
happened quickly. So the contractions
were coming on pretty quickly and were getting more difficult to relax thru
them so I asked for the epidural. The anesthesiologist
came in and he was a great guy, I felt completely comfortable with him. I was told the epidural should feel like just
a bee sting. Not my case, I felt more
than I wanted to feel but it overall didn’t hurt too badly. He got it in quickly and I somehow luckily
didn’t have a contraction during those minutes.
As soon as I got the epidural, I had a bad reaction to it. My blood pressure shot up really high
(160s/110s) then dropped dramatically to 85/40.
I was put on oxygen and my body started shaking uncontrollably. I freaked out as I knew dramatic shifts in BP
could send me into a seizure. My nurse
kept a straight face and kept looking at the monitors and the blood pressure
machine was going off continuously on my arm, taking my BP one after
another. She had me turn on my side and
it went down. She took me off the oxygen
but right away it happened again. She
made a call and before I knew it was given a shot of ephedra to get my heart
rate to speed up quickly. I looked at
Aaron and was like pray, pray, pray! I
was scared to death. My BP recovered, my
heart rate came up and the nurse was able to see that my baby recovered as well
as her vitals dropped quickly too. She
ensured me that it would have no effect on the baby, she said babies are very resilient
at recovering such drop in vitals.
After that the nurse told me to sleep and relax. I was so freaked out that I couldn’t
sleep. I was emotional again, so
scared. My body was still shaking and I
couldn’t get it to stop, the nurse said my shaking was due to all the hormones that
I had in my body and it was normal. At
this point, I was losing my energy and was tired. I laid there for an hour trying to think
positively. Nurse came in to check me
and was like wow, you are at 8 cm already!
My body was really responding and moving along quickly. About a half hour later, she comes in and
says I’m complete and we can start pushing.
I asked her what she thinks my chances are that I’ll have this baby
naturally and she goes you WILL have this baby naturally. I loved this nurse; she was so encouraging
and knew my birth plan.
At 2 pm we started pushing, Aaron and I said a prayer again.
Basically kept praying throughout this
entire process, trusting in God that He will bring us thru this in good health.
It was weird when I started pushing and
took me about 20 minutes to know how to properly push. Of course on the first push I pooped the
table. I knew I would and was not
embarrassed at all. I actually
forewarned the nurse I would earlier that day, lol. I was making good progress with the first
hour of pushing; she was slowly making her way down. Then in hour 2, we weren’t making any
progress. Hour 3 of pushing the epidural
wore off… Damn epidural, bad reaction to it and then it wore off completely in
hour 3 of pushing. Beginning of hour 4,
the doctor came in. Baby was stuck in my
pelvis bone for the last few hours and I was pushing with all I had. The doctor came in and was shocked to see me
completely kneeling up in bed on my knees, flipping myself over with no needed
help, I was like ya, I feel everything, I’m not numb at all. The contractions hurt badly and consistently
were every 2-3 minutes over the past 4 hours. With each one I pushed 3 series of 10 seconds
each. So basically pushed as hard as I
could for 45 seconds every 2-3 minutes apart for a solid 3.5 hours at this
point, feeling all the pain of the failed epidural. I was exhausted. Had basically been on a liquid diet for the
past 2 days, pumped so full of drugs that I was doing all I could. The doctor suggested we try the vacuum but I
needed to push as hard as I could while she used the vacuum. Of course I didn’t want to use the vacuum, I
knew that was not a good choice for our baby but I trusted in my doctor. We tried it unsuccessfully 3 times and I said
stop. I didn’t want to hurt our baby. I
pushed for a full 4 hours and at this point I was hitting my breaking
point. I asked the doctor if I was
making progress, nope she was stuck good on my pelvis bone.
The doctor said I could push for longer but I have a ways to
go. My eyes were going crossed, I looked
up at the ceiling and it was spinning.
It was 6 pm and I just wanted to meet my baby tonight. I felt like I had given it my all and was
starting to fear that I was trying to control something that just wasn’t meant
to be. I looked at Aaron; we prayed and
decided it’s time for a c-section before something happens that would make us
go into an emergency c-section. Everyone
left the room and it felt like an eternity before they came back to get me and
I was groaning MAKE THESE CONTRACTIONS STOP NOW!! They were strong and I laid in bed feeling
them hit me over and over. They wheeled
me back to the surgery room and I asked Aaron if I’m a making the right choice
or giving up too soon. The doctors and
nurses said 4 hours is really long, most people give up after 2 and after 3 we
rarely let people continue to push like this but they knew how badly I did not
want a c-section so they let me push that extra hour. I looked at Aaron and he had blood on his
cheek and shirt. He goes, honey this
room has blood everywhere, if you could look behind you, the pictures on the
wall has blood on them, the curtains have blood on them, it looks like a
Dateline murder episode in here.
Really? I was so oblivious to it
all! The vacuum sprayed blood everywhere
I guess.
As they were prepping me the anesthesiologist got me going
on my new pain meds and I started to get anxiety, fearing that I would have
another bad reaction to this new drug.
Luckily I didn’t. The anesthesiologist
talked to me the entire time and kept me at ease. He was really great! I asked him when are we going to get started
and he goes, honey they almost have the baby out. I was like really?!?! I didn’t feel a thing! I was forcing myself to keep my eyes opened;
I was so tried and was fighting fatigue.
Quickly I heard our little Annie cry, a good strong healthy cry! At
6:40 pm, our little Annie was brought into this world. Aaron held her first and brought her over to
me, she looked perfect to me! It seemed
to take a while for them stitch me back up and wheel me into recovery. In recovery I finally got to hold my little
Annie for the first time. She was
perfection! It felt so rewarding to
finally be holding her in my arms after a long 50 hour induced labor, I earned
that moment. And the best part was she
was healthy and well and we had made it!
I knew my family had been waiting for quite some time to
meet her but I wanted to breast feed as soon as possible. We had a successful feeding and we were ready
for our family to come back and meet her.
I so wanted to hold my baby and spend time with her but I was so
exhausted that I feel asleep and was woke up throughout the night for feedings,
with each feeding I was feeling more rested and was starting to take her in more
and more and have that bonding time that I didn’t get right after birth since I
was so tired.
The next morning the pediatrician came in and said she
looked very healthy other than some signs of jaundice. I didn’t freak out, jaundice is very common
and I knew that. He said we will just
watch it and assess it tomorrow. As the
day wore on, she became very jaundice; her levels were high enough that it
warranted phototherapy. I started to
freak as they described that if it gets worse it can cause brain damage. My anxiety really kicked in then. It was time for more prayers and trust in God
to get us thru another hurdle. We got her
on phototherapy right away and continued this for 24 hours.
In the meantime, I was feeling the effects of having a
c-section. It felt paralyzing. Between her jaundice and how foreign my body
felt to me, it ended up being an emotionally draining day. Aaron is my Godsend that is for sure. He took care of me, was right by my side thru
everything. He helped me use the
bathroom and shower and do things that husbands probably shouldn’t have to do
for their wife at this age. Thank
goodness he doesn’t have an issue with blood because there was lots of blood
over the next few days. I was pretty
emotional, crying for no reason and just felt full of anxiety. I was told me BP issues would go away as soon
as I gave birth and they didn’t, they were just as high as ever. I was sick and so was my baby. My anxiety caused lack of sleep and that is
what I needed most was sleep. I needed
to trust that Annie would be fine and to relax but it was just so hard for me
to do that, I had a million thoughts going thru my head over these days post
birth.
The next morning the doctor said my incision looked great and
I was recovering nicely. And they would
keep an eye on my BP. Pediatrician said
Annie’s jaundice levels dropped significantly over night but suggested we stay
on the light for as long as possible again.
Honestly I was just fine with
that. I was ready to go home but yet I
was so full of anxiety to leave the hospital too soon and didn’t want to leave
the comforts of having a 24 hour nurse help and was scared to officially be on
our own.
I was still beating myself up over having a c-section. But I gave it my all and I had to be at peace
with the fact that it was the right decision to be made. The doctor the next day said that although it
was my strongest desire to not have one, he has seen cases where the baby gets
stuck in the pelvis and continued pushing causes nerve damage to their
shoulders/neck leaving babies paralyzed for life. Or many other complications that could have
very damaging effects on the baby for life could have happened. So that is how I’m at peace with it all, I
got to believe that prayer was not answered because it was in Annie’s best
interest that she was delivered via c-section.
How can I beat myself up over the decision to have one when we ended up
with a healthy baby girl? I did everything
I could to try to avoid one so I can’t say I didn’t try but yet I wasn’t so
stubborn to put my little girl at risk either.
I have to be at peace with it and know that God’s divine intervention
was at work for good causes that we will not know at this time but to take it
as a blessing.
We finally wrapped up everything late Saturday night and got
home at 8:30 pm. It was surreal having
her home and finally being on our own.
The next few days were a little rough, the first night we did not sleep
a wink. My BP was out of control
still. We learned quickly that she does
not like to be swaddled with her arms tight, the next night we got much better
sleep. I was still crying for no reason
and felt really scattered. After a few
chaotic days though, we have learned what Annie likes/doesn’t like. I stopped having daily meltdowns and feel
like my hormones have leveled out already and we are starting to get the hang
of life with a newborn. Follow up
appointments show her jaundice is gone and my BP is now under control. Life is so so good and I’m sure blessed with
an amazing family!
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