Labor & Delivery... What An Experience!

Here is my labor/delivery experience.  Readers beware!  I was in a 50 hour induced labor and it was long, traumatic but very rewarding when we finally met our little baby girl. 

 I had a follow up appointment for my blood pressure that Monday.  I knew my BP was high that morning and knew I was walking into a one-way ticket straight to the hospital so I had Aaron come with me with all our bags packed as well.  And as I thought, my BP was sky high and my doctor said you need to go to the hospital now and her opinion was I really need to be induced, no going home like I did the Thursday prior.  She reiterated that preeclampsia is not something to mess around with. Since I was expecting this, I didn’t freak out like I did the previous Thursday.  I don’t know how many times I was told I had preeclampsia in that final week but I still remained in denial that I really had it.  I had such a healthy pregnancy clear up to week 39 and just couldn’t wrap my mind around how things could change so quickly.  (Note I had pre-eclampsia not preclampsia, I didn’t know there was a difference.)

We went to the hospital and they drew blood work and we waited to hear what the doctor recommended.  As I sat and waited I really fretted over what to do.  Do I get induced or do we get my BP down enough that I can be released and wait it out?  I had read about being induced over the weekend and I had read some things that made me real leery of being induced prior to my due date.  As I lay there, I started to cry because I’m such a decision maker but I just didn’t know what was best.  I felt like I was making important decisions for my baby and my own health and was torn.  Aaron comforted me and we prayed together about what is best.  Aaron said it’s up to me but was concerned that my health was not worth waiting any longer.  The doctor came in and didn’t really give us a choice; she said she highly recommends I be induced.  Looking back I’m glad the decision was made for us as I just needed someone else to make the decision for me.

As I got set up with my permanent room and got my IV going, I had Aaron run home and take care of Charley.  We boarded her during this time just so she would be in good hands and not neglected at home alone.  At 4 pm, we started a dose of Cervidil as my cervix was completely closed.  Cervidil goes right next to the cervix and it’s like a tampon and stays in for 12 hours to help ‘ripen and open up’ the cervix.  It did not hurt being inserted.  The nurse asked if I wanted Ambien to help me sleep, I was leery of taking a sleeping pill as I wanted to keep my overall labor as drug free as possible but took a smaller dose than what they recommended I take.  Big mistake, I got no sleep that night, I should have taken the recommended dose of Ambien. 

At 4 am, the nurse took the Cervidil out and I was dilated 1 cm.  She seemed encouraging that I was starting to dilate so I felt encouraged as well.  I was started on Pitocin at 5:45 am at a slow rate.  Then I was assigned a new nurse and things went downhill fast that day.  The new nurse ramped up my Pitocin quickly, going up 2 levels every half hour.  By 8 am the doctor (the one I didn’t like previously) came in and said he’s going to break my water.  I said why?  Seemed early to me yet and didn’t want to rush things.  He goes “Dr. Amy said you would be like this.”  Jerk.  I asked why because I hadn’t even been on Pitocin but for a few hours and I was completely mentally okay with letting the process take some time.  He goes well we need to break your water to keep the process going.  I asked if we could wait until I’m a little further dilated and he said very rudely, well our goal is to have this baby asap, if you want to question my judgment, I’ll just take you off all these machines and you can just go home.  I was about in tears; I just didn’t understand why we had to rush everything.  Then he goes, I went to school for 15 years, I know what I’m doing so if you don’t want to do this, then just go home.  Oh was I pissed!  Then he checked my cervix and it hurt like hell, I felt like he was extra rough with me.  Then he goes, I couldn’t break your water if I wanted to, you are barely 1 cm.  Then he said I was a 70%+ chance of a c-section scenario even though he knew my passion to avoid one and left.  I started BAWLING!  Aaron comforted me and said that was uncalled for and I just felt confused, I wasn’t ever questioning the doctor’s judgment, I just didn’t understand why we couldn’t take things slower and let the process work on its own to some degree, I was overwhelmed.  I never said I wanted to quit and just go home but he left me feeling like I was making bad choices for my baby and me.  I went from encouraged/positive, to completely discouraged and a wreck.  It pissed me off too that he knew I had high BP/preeclampsia and he intentionally upset me causing my BP to go even higher. 

Then the nurse came in and I was just in a bad mood and she kept increasing my Pitocin and before noon I was on the maximum level of Pitocin and wasn’t feeling a thing.  I stayed on max Pitocin until 5 pm that night.  Being on an all liquid diet and being pumped full of Pitocin all day, I was exhausted, tired and emotionally run down.  Aaron and I prayed together several times throughout the day that my body would accept the induction but it just wasn’t.  That night my night nurse came in, the one I loved and she told me we would started on Cytotec tonight, a stronger drug to try to open my cervix.  This is a tablet that gets inserted and must be woken up every 4 hours for a 25 microgram dose to be inserted next to my cervix.  This drug made me nervous, Cervidil we can take out if I have a bad reaction, Cytotec once it’s in, you can’t take it out.  But again, Aaron and I prayed about it and decided to trust the process.  She put it in and I asked for the stronger Ambien this time and fell asleep and got some amazing sleep. 

Before I fell asleep, Aaron and I assessed the day.  I felt so down and had cried so much that day that we decided to look at the positives that happened.  I was for the most part in no pain all day just emotionally beat up and drained so hooray for no pain.  We think it was good that doctor didn’t deliver our baby since I just didn’t like him.  And felt it was good we didn’t break my water since nothing happened that day, it would have definitely ended in a c-section.  Although breaking my water may have sped things along too, it’s hard telling but had to assume it was good that it didn’t happen. 

At 5 am, the nurse came in and woke me and she said she didn’t give me the last 2 doses of the Cytotec because I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes.  Really?!  I wasn’t feeling a thing and slept thru them.  Then she checked me and told me I was a good 2-2.5 cm dilated.  YES!  Encouraged!  I was allowed to eat some toast, finally I could eat!  Then a new nurse came in and I loved her too, she goes we are going to take Pitocin much slower today (music to my ears!) she said that she thinks my body didn’t have a chance to respond to the Pitocin yesterday because it was ramped up too quickly.  Then she told me encouraging words that I can do this and I can do this naturally and she is going to help me thru this all day.  So again Aaron and I prayed together and asked God for this day to meet our baby and things to go better than the previous day. 

Within a few hours, I started to feel contractions.  It was awesome!!  I had an internal monitor in me so I could see how strong they were.  I was having 40-50 level contractions (active labor starts around 60-70).  I was comfortable; they didn’t hurt to me, just felt like mild cramps.  Then I started to have some up in the 60s and I was feeling uncomfortable but the pain wasn’t unbearable.  The nurse suggested that I wait until I was dilated to a 4 before I get the epidural.  She told me her opinion was to not wait any longer after 4 cm to get it if I was planning to get one anyways.  She checked me shortly after and we were so encouraged to find out I was 4 cm!  That happened quickly.  So the contractions were coming on pretty quickly and were getting more difficult to relax thru them so I asked for the epidural.  The anesthesiologist came in and he was a great guy, I felt completely comfortable with him.  I was told the epidural should feel like just a bee sting.  Not my case, I felt more than I wanted to feel but it overall didn’t hurt too badly.  He got it in quickly and I somehow luckily didn’t have a contraction during those minutes.  As soon as I got the epidural, I had a bad reaction to it.  My blood pressure shot up really high (160s/110s) then dropped dramatically to 85/40.  I was put on oxygen and my body started shaking uncontrollably.  I freaked out as I knew dramatic shifts in BP could send me into a seizure.  My nurse kept a straight face and kept looking at the monitors and the blood pressure machine was going off continuously on my arm, taking my BP one after another.  She had me turn on my side and it went down.  She took me off the oxygen but right away it happened again.  She made a call and before I knew it was given a shot of ephedra to get my heart rate to speed up quickly.  I looked at Aaron and was like pray, pray, pray!  I was scared to death.  My BP recovered, my heart rate came up and the nurse was able to see that my baby recovered as well as her vitals dropped quickly too.  She ensured me that it would have no effect on the baby, she said babies are very resilient at recovering such drop in vitals.

After that the nurse told me to sleep and relax.  I was so freaked out that I couldn’t sleep.  I was emotional again, so scared.  My body was still shaking and I couldn’t get it to stop, the nurse said my shaking was due to all the hormones that I had in my body and it was normal.  At this point, I was losing my energy and was tired.  I laid there for an hour trying to think positively.  Nurse came in to check me and was like wow, you are at 8 cm already!  My body was really responding and moving along quickly.  About a half hour later, she comes in and says I’m complete and we can start pushing.  I asked her what she thinks my chances are that I’ll have this baby naturally and she goes you WILL have this baby naturally.  I loved this nurse; she was so encouraging and knew my birth plan.

At 2 pm we started pushing, Aaron and I said a prayer again.  Basically kept praying throughout this entire process, trusting in God that He will bring us thru this in good health.  It was weird when I started pushing and took me about 20 minutes to know how to properly push.  Of course on the first push I pooped the table.  I knew I would and was not embarrassed at all.  I actually forewarned the nurse I would earlier that day, lol.   I was making good progress with the first hour of pushing; she was slowly making her way down.  Then in hour 2, we weren’t making any progress.  Hour 3 of pushing the epidural wore off… Damn epidural, bad reaction to it and then it wore off completely in hour 3 of pushing.  Beginning of hour 4, the doctor came in.  Baby was stuck in my pelvis bone for the last few hours and I was pushing with all I had.  The doctor came in and was shocked to see me completely kneeling up in bed on my knees, flipping myself over with no needed help, I was like ya, I feel everything, I’m not numb at all.  The contractions hurt badly and consistently were every 2-3 minutes over the past 4 hours.  With each one I pushed 3 series of 10 seconds each.  So basically pushed as hard as I could for 45 seconds every 2-3 minutes apart for a solid 3.5 hours at this point, feeling all the pain of the failed epidural.  I was exhausted.  Had basically been on a liquid diet for the past 2 days, pumped so full of drugs that I was doing all I could.  The doctor suggested we try the vacuum but I needed to push as hard as I could while she used the vacuum.  Of course I didn’t want to use the vacuum, I knew that was not a good choice for our baby but I trusted in my doctor.  We tried it unsuccessfully 3 times and I said stop. I didn’t want to hurt our baby.  I pushed for a full 4 hours and at this point I was hitting my breaking point.  I asked the doctor if I was making progress, nope she was stuck good on my pelvis bone. 

The doctor said I could push for longer but I have a ways to go.  My eyes were going crossed, I looked up at the ceiling and it was spinning.  It was 6 pm and I just wanted to meet my baby tonight.  I felt like I had given it my all and was starting to fear that I was trying to control something that just wasn’t meant to be.  I looked at Aaron; we prayed and decided it’s time for a c-section before something happens that would make us go into an emergency c-section.  Everyone left the room and it felt like an eternity before they came back to get me and I was groaning MAKE THESE CONTRACTIONS STOP NOW!!  They were strong and I laid in bed feeling them hit me over and over.  They wheeled me back to the surgery room and I asked Aaron if I’m a making the right choice or giving up too soon.  The doctors and nurses said 4 hours is really long, most people give up after 2 and after 3 we rarely let people continue to push like this but they knew how badly I did not want a c-section so they let me push that extra hour.  I looked at Aaron and he had blood on his cheek and shirt.  He goes, honey this room has blood everywhere, if you could look behind you, the pictures on the wall has blood on them, the curtains have blood on them, it looks like a Dateline murder episode in here.  Really?  I was so oblivious to it all!  The vacuum sprayed blood everywhere I guess.

As they were prepping me the anesthesiologist got me going on my new pain meds and I started to get anxiety, fearing that I would have another bad reaction to this new drug.  Luckily I didn’t.  The anesthesiologist talked to me the entire time and kept me at ease.  He was really great!  I asked him when are we going to get started and he goes, honey they almost have the baby out.  I was like really?!?!  I didn’t feel a thing!  I was forcing myself to keep my eyes opened; I was so tried and was fighting fatigue.  Quickly I heard our little Annie cry, a good strong healthy cry!   At 6:40 pm, our little Annie was brought into this world.  Aaron held her first and brought her over to me, she looked perfect to me!  It seemed to take a while for them stitch me back up and wheel me into recovery.  In recovery I finally got to hold my little Annie for the first time.  She was perfection!  It felt so rewarding to finally be holding her in my arms after a long 50 hour induced labor, I earned that moment.  And the best part was she was healthy and well and we had made it!  

I knew my family had been waiting for quite some time to meet her but I wanted to breast feed as soon as possible.  We had a successful feeding and we were ready for our family to come back and meet her.  I so wanted to hold my baby and spend time with her but I was so exhausted that I feel asleep and was woke up throughout the night for feedings, with each feeding I was feeling more rested and was starting to take her in more and more and have that bonding time that I didn’t get right after birth since I was so tired.

The next morning the pediatrician came in and said she looked very healthy other than some signs of jaundice.  I didn’t freak out, jaundice is very common and I knew that.  He said we will just watch it and assess it tomorrow.  As the day wore on, she became very jaundice; her levels were high enough that it warranted phototherapy.  I started to freak as they described that if it gets worse it can cause brain damage.  My anxiety really kicked in then.  It was time for more prayers and trust in God to get us thru another hurdle.  We got her on phototherapy right away and continued this for 24 hours. 

In the meantime, I was feeling the effects of having a c-section.  It felt paralyzing.  Between her jaundice and how foreign my body felt to me, it ended up being an emotionally draining day.  Aaron is my Godsend that is for sure.  He took care of me, was right by my side thru everything.  He helped me use the bathroom and shower and do things that husbands probably shouldn’t have to do for their wife at this age.   Thank goodness he doesn’t have an issue with blood because there was lots of blood over the next few days.  I was pretty emotional, crying for no reason and just felt full of anxiety.  I was told me BP issues would go away as soon as I gave birth and they didn’t, they were just as high as ever.  I was sick and so was my baby.  My anxiety caused lack of sleep and that is what I needed most was sleep.  I needed to trust that Annie would be fine and to relax but it was just so hard for me to do that, I had a million thoughts going thru my head over these days post birth. 

The next morning the doctor said my incision looked great and I was recovering nicely.  And they would keep an eye on my BP.  Pediatrician said Annie’s jaundice levels dropped significantly over night but suggested we stay on the light for as long as possible again.   Honestly I was just fine with that.  I was ready to go home but yet I was so full of anxiety to leave the hospital too soon and didn’t want to leave the comforts of having a 24 hour nurse help and was scared to officially be on our own. 

I was still beating myself up over having a c-section.  But I gave it my all and I had to be at peace with the fact that it was the right decision to be made.  The doctor the next day said that although it was my strongest desire to not have one, he has seen cases where the baby gets stuck in the pelvis and continued pushing causes nerve damage to their shoulders/neck leaving babies paralyzed for life.  Or many other complications that could have very damaging effects on the baby for life could have happened.  So that is how I’m at peace with it all, I got to believe that prayer was not answered because it was in Annie’s best interest that she was delivered via c-section.  How can I beat myself up over the decision to have one when we ended up with a healthy baby girl?  I did everything I could to try to avoid one so I can’t say I didn’t try but yet I wasn’t so stubborn to put my little girl at risk either.  I have to be at peace with it and know that God’s divine intervention was at work for good causes that we will not know at this time but to take it as a blessing.

We finally wrapped up everything late Saturday night and got home at 8:30 pm.  It was surreal having her home and finally being on our own.  The next few days were a little rough, the first night we did not sleep a wink.  My BP was out of control still.  We learned quickly that she does not like to be swaddled with her arms tight, the next night we got much better sleep.  I was still crying for no reason and felt really scattered.  After a few chaotic days though, we have learned what Annie likes/doesn’t like.  I stopped having daily meltdowns and feel like my hormones have leveled out already and we are starting to get the hang of life with a newborn.  Follow up appointments show her jaundice is gone and my BP is now under control.  Life is so so good and I’m sure blessed with an amazing family!