RESTORED Health

New year, new you, right?  I’ve never been one to stick to a resolution but usually have a few that I’d like to accomplish but never more have I had a strong desire to actually fulfill this year’s resolution, summed up in these words: RESTORED HEALTH.  I have felt like garbage for, well about the last 10 months and I’m tired of it!

 

2015 started off fine.  I felt great and all was good.  I’ve always had anxiety all my life but it was always mild and never really interfered much with my life.  The week and months following Annie’s birth, my anxiety ramped up big time.  In 2014, about 6 months after Annie’s birth, I finally felt like myself again and my anxiety subsided.  Continued to feel great until around late Spring 2015, I’m not quite sure what set it off, I think it may have been the idea of building a house possibly or the fact that I had a few blood pressure readings that came in high at routine doctor visits but my anxiety came back on and it really inhibited many areas of my life.  Then it started to subside but in July it hit hard again, I think it may have been the idea of expanding our family that may have triggered it – not sure but regardless I was really struggling and my anxiety made me think that I had more health problems than I actually did.  Reassuringly, after lots of blood work, a few EKG tests, a neurological exam, several x-rays, a rush to urgent care because I thought I was having a heart attack (btw, found out you don't go to Urgent Care, you go to the ER if you truly think you are having one - duh. Also found out it's a good way to get bumped to the front of the line)… doctors confirmed that I’m just an anxious nelly, creating my own false health fire drills and I just needed to chill out.  Point taken!  Geesh, I felt like a looney, crazy person.  Stop being a hot mess and pull yourself together already, I’d tell myself.

Middle of the year, my boss left his position.  I was handed double duties at work and the stress of getting everything done at work was overbearing.  I was never told I couldn’t take PTO or time away but felt like I really couldn’t.  The stress of work continued pretty much up thru the beginning of December and now my new boss is starting to alleviate my work load and things just recently started feeling more manageable at work. 

Backing back up to the middle of the year, I got pregnant.  On purpose.  Good timing right?!  If I had to do a re-do, I would have maybe waited another year but fact of the matter is, I got pregnant and if it wasn’t meant to be, then God wouldn’t have given me another pregnancy when I deliberately asked for one.  Then came the 1^st trimester woes, fatigue, nauseousness but worst of all were severe headaches.    I’ve never been a headache sufferer nor did I have them when I was pregnant with Annie but these headaches left me where I felt dizzy and faint almost daily.  Insert anxiety with our house transition and I would say my overall health was suffering.  I felt like garbage, all the time.

 

Fast forward to second trimester.  We finally get all moved in and settled and my headaches are becoming less severe, I’m starting to have moments when I feel like myself again and my anxiety had been manageable.  Life starts to feel normal somewhat.  Then I get a call about my pregnancy blood test, you know the one where my alpha fetoproteins levels are off the chart and my baby has a chance of having a neural tube defect?  I crashed and burned for a solid 2 weeks.  My headaches got out of control; I’d lay in bed and cried a lot.  Let’s not forget about those fun pregnancy hormones.  And oh ya, I’m still puking because my gagging reflexes/nauseousness is still out of control and never went away after the 1^st trimester.  Then I got a severe head cold so on top of not sleeping because of my stress/depressed state, I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to because I was so congested.  What an awesome way to start the holiday season.

Last half of December, we were delivered good news, well actually miraculous news about our baby’s health, but still was coping with the fact that rocky roads still lie ahead in this pregnancy.   As soon as our last Christmas with family was all over, I finally got all the rest I needed and the stress just started to subside, along with the headaches.  I still have this crummy head cold but overall I’m just doing a lot better.  Like 100 times better!

I actually have my next perinatal appointment tomorrow.  Rather than feeling anxious, I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic.  I feel like my belly has grown quite a bit over the last few weeks and I’ve never been so comforted by the fact that my pregnancy belly is growing because it likely means Baby C is growing, which is what we need the most in this pregnancy.  I also feel her moving quite a bit now, which also brings me joy and comfort, I just feel like these are all signs that she is healthy and well and I’m optimistic that our appointment tomorrow will go well.  Please keep us in our prayers that we are delivered good news.  I really am just starting to get to a good place physically and emotionally and the last thing I need right now is a setback.

I know that as I near my 3^rd trimester (which is a good month away yet), I do remember all too well from Annie’s pregnancy how ‘unfun’ the 3^rd trimester is and how miserable I felt last time.  I also remember the complete debilitating feeling of what a C-Section recovery all entails so that is why my resolution for 2016 isn’t GOOD health but RESTORED health.  If this baby is born in late April, it will take until mid-June to be fully recovered from my surgery and so I’m not expecting to have my health restored until the latter half of 2016 so it will take time but after feeling like garbage for the last 10ish months, you can only imagine how badly I want to feel normal and healthy again. 

Not only do I want to be healthy again but I want my whole family to be healthy.  I’ve never put such an importance on health more than I have over the last year.  My 2016 goal summed up in 2 words: RESTORED HEALTH.  And I’m confident and more determined than ever to make it happen.  Oh and maybe in 2016 let’s make a goal that I will have less depressing posts!  Seriously, can I just blog about something a little less intense for a change?!