Baby C 27.5 Week Update

Another successful perinatal appointment is behind us!  It is always a huge relief to leave those appointments with amazing news that Baby C is healthy and looking great!  She is actually AHEAD of her growth schedule, weighing in at 2 lbs 7 oz (I find that just amazing that they can tell me exactly how much my baby weighs), which is roughly 5 days ahead of the growth chart, already over the 50^th percentile.

3D image of face at top, bottom is a profile pic and she is trying to suck her thumb

  It’s crazy how much the tone of my appointments have changed.  That very first appointment, there was a lot of concern in my doctor’s voice as to what lies ahead.  Now she walks in with so much positive energy saying every now and then (like a few a year) we just get a case of unexplained elevated AFP levels and I think you are just one of them.  I think she seems convinced that I’m looking to be out of the woods here and comments at how amazed she is at my baby’s growth.  Although thru the excitement, I did catch her saying that weeks 28-32 is the most critical for when growth may signal a slowdown but given I’m ahead of schedule, she’s optimistic that all is going to be okay.  I’m just approaching my 28^th week.

days out from my 3rd trimester 

Baby C is on the move too!  I remember one of the things that I got tired of was Annie moving, Annie was an intense mover and I literally could feel sores on my insides because she was such a strong mover. I don’t think I will ever say Baby C moves too much, I absolutely love feeling her move around.  It just makes me smile and think my baby is healthy in there.

These appointments have just gotten easier.  Walking in, I feel a lot of calmness.  I know I’m growing, {hence not being able to zip my winter coat anymore} and I feel her moving more and more which are just reassurances for me in between appointments.  Although I’m far more confident and assured all will be okay, when we walk into the patient waiting room, I’m always reminded that we are lucky and blessed and others here aren’t so much.  The mood of the Perinatal waiting room is far different than the mood of my Ob’s office.  They have this garganteous sign in the corner reminding all of us that we are here because we are at risk for serious complications.  As I sit, I always look at these other pregnant mothers, wondering what brings them here and that is where I’m really reminded that we are very fortunate that we have not been dealt any bad news that have become a reality.  I can’t even imagine what some of these other mothers may be dealing with, I don’t even know how I would be able to cope.

This sign is like 12 feet tall, it's a little too much

So I’m off the hook for another 4 weeks with the perinatal doctor!  They will start fetal stress tests at around 31 weeks at my regular Ob appointments just as precautionary and I have my gestational test next Monday, which I don’t mind the juice I have to drink for it, the key is to chug as fast as possible before it gets warm, that’s the key!

Aaron and I are taking off for our babymoon within days and the whole trip was riding on the outcome of this appointment.  What a relief to have the all-clear, I cannot wait to have a little time away from work and everyday life to do some fun things and do a little shopping for my girls!  

Annie's Antics

I’ve always said that Annie was born into this world as a ‘terrible 2’ and never has stopped.  Her strong willed personality is a daily conquest for us.  I’ve read lots of words to describe a child as mine but the one that makes me chuckle a little is ‘spirited.’  Yes, Annie you are indeed spirited!  It’s such a nice way to say your child is strong willed, opinionated, feisty, relentless and the opposite of laid back.  Let me divulge you in a few short stories to give you some insight into our daily lives living with a ‘spirited’ child.

Let’s start with my favorite moment of just last week {insert sarcasm}.  Annie had her 1^st dentist appointment, which I knew was going to be a real ‘treat’ for me to hold her down for.  But what I didn’t realize was the real struggle was going to take place in the waiting room.  We arrived, I get Annie settled playing with some toys and I’m filling out this ridiculous, elaborate paperwork that is asking for a full medical history for a 22 month old.  A mom and her child exit the back dentist office and head for the door to leave and all of a sudden, Annie freaks out, runs towards this lady and is saying “Mama! Mama!” and latches onto her leg.  I grabbed my spirited child and going “Annie, no get over here.”  This lady is stopped in her tracks while I’m trying to unlatch my child from her leg.  This mom leaves and Annie goes NUTS!  Screaming and pounding on the door saying “Mama! Mama!”  Every time I try to grab her to comfort her, she hits me in the face.   Then she starts running over to everyone in the waiting room, doing the same thing.  ‘Mama!’ and latching onto these other Mom’s legs.  I’m grabbing her and am right in her face saying, “Annie, I’m YOUR MAMA!!”  And she kicks and hits me making me look like a child abductor of my own child.  Then the dentist comes out to talk to another parent and she runs over, latches onto his leg screaming DADDA!  Oh ma gaud was I mortified by this point!  So I grab her, pin her underneath my arm, sideways across my lap and grab the clipboard and start filling out the paperwork as quickly as possible with her trying to escape my arms.  At this point, I have zero tolerance and she is pretty much hanging upside down off my lap while I’m vigorously filling out paperwork and she is screaming at the top of her lungs.  What a sight.  Needless to say the actual dentist appointment went pretty well, given she was screaming, the dentist had a great view of the inside of her mouth and we were in and out pretty quickly at that point.  Moment of the year right there.

 

My spirited child is also a real joy at dinner time.  If she’s not presented with a hot dog for each meal, she arches her back, screams and throws her plate on the floor.  Lovely.  I use to give in and give her whatever she wanted but I’m so over the meal time battle and have gotten to the point where I don’t care if she goes to bed without eating dinner.  It’s a rare occasion when she will actually eat good for us.  What she likes one day, she refuses the next.  I always try to give her 3 items at meals, 2 of which I know she has ate in the past and maybe 1 new item so it’s not like I don’t give her options.  She used to love macaroni and cheese and now I can’t get her to even taste it.  We waste way too much food at our house because my 22 month old will purse her lips and refuse to even try stuff.  I would never make her eat something she doesn’t like but what kills me is she won’t even try it, and I mean at all.  I’m pretty sure she would eat a 12 pack of hotdogs in one day if I’d let her.  Kid’s obsession with hot dogs is a little strange.

While we are on the food topic, how about my banana story?  We keep bananas on the counter and Annie will run over to them, and point and say ‘banana’ so I give her one and she was eating them when she asked for one.  Then one day, I grabbed one for her and peeled it and she instantly threw herself to the floor screaming .  “Annie, what the heck, you just asked for this?!”  So then I was stuck eating about 3 bananas a day because this is what she would do each time.  We finally figured it out.  One day I grabbed the bananas off the counter and just handed the whole bundle to her, she grabbed the banana she wanted and ate it fine.  I’m stunned, thinking…all this time I’ve been eating all these bananas and it’s because she wanted to choose which one it was, so many struggles could have been avoided if I knew this.  What 1 year old is that picky over which banana out of the bundle they get?  Well my spirited child is.

Annie normally eats a cup of individual yogurt every morning.  I happened to have a pint of yogurt that was getting close to expiring and wasn’t going to eat it myself so I had a hunch that Annie wouldn’t eat it if it wasn’t in her usual container of yogurt so I took one of her individual cups and washed it out and spooned the left over pint of yogurt into it and tried to give it to her.  Nope, she saw me do it and was not having it, wanted a fresh one that was sealed.  The next day, I then tricked her, pulled out an individual cup, pretended like I was taking the seal off of it for her and then quickly swapped it for the old cup of the other yogurt I had from the previous day.  She had a hunch something was up but didn’t actually see me make the switch.  That kid examined that yogurt cup so thoroughly, looking for any signs of my tampering.  I couldn’t believe the way she looked it over.  I was on pins and needles waiting for her to throw it on the ground, yogurt splattering everywhere while she goes into full tantrum mode.  Luckily not the case, I ended up fooling her and she did eat it but it’s just mind boggling how she is on to us all the darn time!

Nothing is more ‘fun’ then the daily outfit battle we have every morning.  I know having a girl especially sets us up for these battles but to have it start around 20 months old?!  Seems crazy early.  She wakes up fine, eats her yogurt and then when I start pulling out clothes from her dresser, that’s when it goes downhill from there.  As soon as I reach in, she runs over and gets really mad.  I’m open to seeing what she wants to wear but most of the time it’s the craziest outfits and I’m not letting her out of the house looking ridiculous.  Over the summer I don’t know how many times I had to tell her no, you cannot wear your swimsuit to church today.  Many mornings, getting her dressed involves pinning her down and forcing the clothes on her while she is kicking and hitting me in the face.  I’ve tried the whole laying out 2 outfits to let her decide and with no luck she goes straight to her dresser, not happy with my narrowed selection.  Once she is dressed and I have sweat running down me, then comes the shoes.  Sometimes the shoes is worse than the outfit battle.  She has these really cute Ralph Lauren hot pink shoes and they’ve become a favorite of hers.  The problem is that she drives her daycare teacher nuts because she they are too easy for her to take on and off constantly all day long.  And let’s face it, hot pink shoes does not go with every outfit.  At night I’ve gotten to the point where I let her wear whatever she wants to bed, go ahead spirited child and wear polka dots and stripes, I don’t care!  But she thinks she should then get to wear her hot pink shoes to bed.  We’ve tried slippers and she is so demanding on those darn pink tennies!   Then we have to fight her to get those darn shoes off before bed.  It’s totally exhausting.

Then there are the car rides.  Nothing is worse than being in a small enclosed space with a spirited child screaming on the top of her lungs.  We try to plan any long trips around her nap/bedtime schedule because it is just brutal riding with her for long periods of time.  She isn’t one who likes to sit still so being strapped down is the main issue.  And for the life of us, we can’t figure out how she at times can escape out of her car seat straps.  It’s like watching Houdini escape a strait jacket, totally mind boggling how she can do it when they are on her tight when we strap her in.  Even strapping her in is an ordeal at times when she is fighting hard against being put into her car seat.   We’ve been thru 3 different car seats with this child, it’s not the car seat, it’s her.  Recently, my car dvd player stopped working, making the 15 minute ride to and from daycare especially brutal lately.  She loves it when I sing Old McDonald Had A Farm to her but let me tell you, 15 minutes of that song gets old fast but ANYTHING to keep her content I’ll do!

Restaurants, church and places where kids should sit still are also a joyous event for us.  Anymore, the idea of having a child sit perfectly still or to color quietly I’ve learned is an impossibility.  I don’t care if she is running circles around our table at a restaurant or playing in the aisle at church.  As long as she isn’t being too disruptive to those around us, then I’m the one with the child on the loose.  It’s far more disruptive to try to pin her down and make her sit quietly than it is to let her run around.   Kids just want to be kids. 

We rarely take Annie with us to grocery stores.  Why?  Because again she, likes to run around.  Running around is okay but she wants to touch everything or eat a random chip off the floor and that’s when I start hyperventilating.   Won’t sit in the child seating of the cart, won’t be good if we move her to the cart area, but for whatever reason she wants to ride under the cart which I hate.  First off it’s gross under there.  And not to mention I’m always terrified I’m going to run over her finger or a foot because she’s goofing off down there.  I’m always enamored when I see these kids her age sitting contently in the child seat of the cart.  I turn my back for a second and Annie has figured out how to get out of the seat strap and is standing up, ready to fall to her death.   I usually leave the store forgetting 10 things and end up having to go back.  It’s just too much work.

She normally follows me around the house.  But the other day she was really getting into everything.  I was trying to get ready in the bathroom and I step away for literally maybe 30 seconds because heaven forbid I had to pee, which is just in a separate part of our bathroom and I come back to the main bathroom to find the bathtub running and no Annie to be found.  That stinker turned the water on and then ran and started tearing all my shoes off my shoe rack.  Everywhere she goes it’s just like bombs are being set off behind her. 

The one morning I decide to have brunch with my friend’s, which never happens and is like a treat for me, I get a text from Aaron saying “Annie just completely erased my entire phone.”  Um how?!  Apparently there is a special combination of buttons that if you press exactly in sync, your phone will say in the display ‘erasing’ and Aaron tried to stop it and shut it off but it was too late, it erased every single thing on his phone.  Thankfully he had mostly everything backed up but it still took him nearly a half a day to recover it all.  Good work Annie {insert sarcasm}, it was impressive to say the least. 

Our next child has to be laid back and the complete opposite of our first born spirited child right?!  She has to be!  It can’t get worst?!  Annie does make the thought of caring for a newborn look easy compared to a day chasing her.  Or maybe the more honest and terrifying thought I have is the one of having to care for a newborn while Annie is running loose and out of control doing who knows what.  I know Annie’s spit fire personality will mean she will do great things and have lots of drive and passion in life but to be honest some days it’s hard to remind myself of that.  Sometimes at the end of a day, I reflect on that screaming car ride home or the fact that she threw her plate of spaghetti on the ground hollering for a hot dog or that she leached onto another Mom’s leg making me look crazy and I just sit and chuckle to myself and I think my God do I love that kid!  I can’t imagine her any other way. Everything she puts us thru sure does make life interesting and her spirit is what makes her my Annie.   Can’t wait for the REAL terrible 2’s to begin…. now those will be the stories!     

Baby C Update

Great news -- my second perinatal appointment went great today!   As I had mentioned in my previous post, I felt more confident and reassured going into this appointment because I feel like my tummy has grown and Baby C has been on the move, which were all good signs to me that all is well.  The ultrasound tech at this appointment actually was telling me during the ultrasound that everything was looking  good, which I know they really aren’t obligated to say one way or another how the ultrasound is going but she was giving me reassurance thru the ultrasound and even told me that Baby C was measuring right where she needed to be.  Wheew!  What a relief, I actually felt like I could relax and enjoy watching the ultrasound this time around.

When the doctor came in, she further confirmed all looks good and they checked again for any open tube defects and again none are present.  At this point, she says it’s pretty rare and highly unlikely that Baby C has an open tube defect, what they won’t be able to determine until she is born is if she has a closed tube defect, but again the chances of that is less than an open tube scenario.  It sounds like to me that closed tube defects aren’t nearly as scary or life impairing as open tube from what I’m gathering.  Again, I refuse to put any trust in Google and have made a promise to myself {and to God} that I won’t Google anything unless we are certain we have a need to further educate ourselves in something that becomes our reality, in the meantime ‘what-ifs’ research does no good and only creates unnecessary stress and worry.

The doctor also made an offhand comment that made me realize again that her growth and health is still nothing short of a miracle compared to my AFP levels.  She said that when she started to review my ultrasound results she didn’t realize it was for my ultrasound, then when she realized it was for me, she ‘gasped with excitement’ – her words.  So basically again since my AFP levels are so bad, she’s beyond thrilled that I’ve made it over half way thru this pregnancy with no issues.   It is beyond humbling to me to know that I’m truly fortunate and that God has answered our prayers. 

I don’t need to be seen again by my perinatal doctor until another 4 weeks from now – or basically at the beginning of my 3^rd trimester.  Until then, I’m going to remain hopeful, optimistic and prayerful that all will continue going well.  And especially prayerful that I continue to feel growth and movement because that to me was one of the signs in between my last appointments that gave me the most comfort.  Who knew getting bigger in pregnancy could ever make me feel so good?!   Since my last appointment I did change my diet substantially and am eating a lot more protein and a lot less junk.  It hasn’t been completely perfect (i.e. doughnut yesterday for breakfast) but I think my significant improvements certainly have helped the cause too. 

So that’s my update – I hope I continue to only provide similar great news for future appointments! 

RESTORED Health

New year, new you, right?  I’ve never been one to stick to a resolution but usually have a few that I’d like to accomplish but never more have I had a strong desire to actually fulfill this year’s resolution, summed up in these words: RESTORED HEALTH.  I have felt like garbage for, well about the last 10 months and I’m tired of it!

 

2015 started off fine.  I felt great and all was good.  I’ve always had anxiety all my life but it was always mild and never really interfered much with my life.  The week and months following Annie’s birth, my anxiety ramped up big time.  In 2014, about 6 months after Annie’s birth, I finally felt like myself again and my anxiety subsided.  Continued to feel great until around late Spring 2015, I’m not quite sure what set it off, I think it may have been the idea of building a house possibly or the fact that I had a few blood pressure readings that came in high at routine doctor visits but my anxiety came back on and it really inhibited many areas of my life.  Then it started to subside but in July it hit hard again, I think it may have been the idea of expanding our family that may have triggered it – not sure but regardless I was really struggling and my anxiety made me think that I had more health problems than I actually did.  Reassuringly, after lots of blood work, a few EKG tests, a neurological exam, several x-rays, a rush to urgent care because I thought I was having a heart attack (btw, found out you don't go to Urgent Care, you go to the ER if you truly think you are having one - duh. Also found out it's a good way to get bumped to the front of the line)… doctors confirmed that I’m just an anxious nelly, creating my own false health fire drills and I just needed to chill out.  Point taken!  Geesh, I felt like a looney, crazy person.  Stop being a hot mess and pull yourself together already, I’d tell myself.

Middle of the year, my boss left his position.  I was handed double duties at work and the stress of getting everything done at work was overbearing.  I was never told I couldn’t take PTO or time away but felt like I really couldn’t.  The stress of work continued pretty much up thru the beginning of December and now my new boss is starting to alleviate my work load and things just recently started feeling more manageable at work. 

Backing back up to the middle of the year, I got pregnant.  On purpose.  Good timing right?!  If I had to do a re-do, I would have maybe waited another year but fact of the matter is, I got pregnant and if it wasn’t meant to be, then God wouldn’t have given me another pregnancy when I deliberately asked for one.  Then came the 1^st trimester woes, fatigue, nauseousness but worst of all were severe headaches.    I’ve never been a headache sufferer nor did I have them when I was pregnant with Annie but these headaches left me where I felt dizzy and faint almost daily.  Insert anxiety with our house transition and I would say my overall health was suffering.  I felt like garbage, all the time.

 

Fast forward to second trimester.  We finally get all moved in and settled and my headaches are becoming less severe, I’m starting to have moments when I feel like myself again and my anxiety had been manageable.  Life starts to feel normal somewhat.  Then I get a call about my pregnancy blood test, you know the one where my alpha fetoproteins levels are off the chart and my baby has a chance of having a neural tube defect?  I crashed and burned for a solid 2 weeks.  My headaches got out of control; I’d lay in bed and cried a lot.  Let’s not forget about those fun pregnancy hormones.  And oh ya, I’m still puking because my gagging reflexes/nauseousness is still out of control and never went away after the 1^st trimester.  Then I got a severe head cold so on top of not sleeping because of my stress/depressed state, I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to because I was so congested.  What an awesome way to start the holiday season.

Last half of December, we were delivered good news, well actually miraculous news about our baby’s health, but still was coping with the fact that rocky roads still lie ahead in this pregnancy.   As soon as our last Christmas with family was all over, I finally got all the rest I needed and the stress just started to subside, along with the headaches.  I still have this crummy head cold but overall I’m just doing a lot better.  Like 100 times better!

I actually have my next perinatal appointment tomorrow.  Rather than feeling anxious, I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic.  I feel like my belly has grown quite a bit over the last few weeks and I’ve never been so comforted by the fact that my pregnancy belly is growing because it likely means Baby C is growing, which is what we need the most in this pregnancy.  I also feel her moving quite a bit now, which also brings me joy and comfort, I just feel like these are all signs that she is healthy and well and I’m optimistic that our appointment tomorrow will go well.  Please keep us in our prayers that we are delivered good news.  I really am just starting to get to a good place physically and emotionally and the last thing I need right now is a setback.

I know that as I near my 3^rd trimester (which is a good month away yet), I do remember all too well from Annie’s pregnancy how ‘unfun’ the 3^rd trimester is and how miserable I felt last time.  I also remember the complete debilitating feeling of what a C-Section recovery all entails so that is why my resolution for 2016 isn’t GOOD health but RESTORED health.  If this baby is born in late April, it will take until mid-June to be fully recovered from my surgery and so I’m not expecting to have my health restored until the latter half of 2016 so it will take time but after feeling like garbage for the last 10ish months, you can only imagine how badly I want to feel normal and healthy again. 

Not only do I want to be healthy again but I want my whole family to be healthy.  I’ve never put such an importance on health more than I have over the last year.  My 2016 goal summed up in 2 words: RESTORED HEALTH.  And I’m confident and more determined than ever to make it happen.  Oh and maybe in 2016 let’s make a goal that I will have less depressing posts!  Seriously, can I just blog about something a little less intense for a change?! 

It's A Girl!

Although Aaron and I were never in a big hurry to have kids, we talked about our ‘imaginary’ kids as if they existed at times; it was always ‘well someday Jack and Annie’… or ‘when Jack and Annie do this or that’…  We always talked as if we were having a girl and a boy.

 

When I was pregnant with Annie, Aaron said he just had this feeling we are having all girls.  I would say before we found out Annie was a girl, I felt 75% sure the gender was a girl and Aaron felt even more confident it was a girl.  I secretly was hoping for a girl when we found out although before pregnancy, I would have told you I would have wanted a boy first.  What’s better than a big brother to a little sister?

Of course having a girl first, I was pretty goo-goo-ga-ga over all the girly stuff.  I was in my element.  Getting pregnant this time around, I somewhat wanted another girl again but a particular experience solidified my want for another girl.  I was in Palmer’s, a deli style restaurant downtown, about 2 months after Annie was born.  I was by myself waiting in line at one of the deli stands and there were these 2 little girls, under the age of 5 that were chasing each other around the island deli stand.  Their giggles were the best thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life, I can still hear and see them to this day.  I just stood there and watched them chase each other with the biggest grin on my face at how adorable they were; thinking OMG…Annie has to have a sister!  I immediately got in my car and called Aaron to tell him that we had to have 2 girls.  At this point forward, all I could envision was 2 little girls.

Growing up my sister and I were roughly 4 years apart; which is a little too far apart to really have common friends or really know enough about each other’s social lives.  If I was going to have sisters, I wanted them closer in age.  My sister and I fought a ton when we were young and we didn’t just fight, it got really physical and we literally beat the living daylights out of each other.  And for being 4 years younger than me, my sister was tough; I did not have the upper hand!  As we got older, sharing a bathroom was the worst thing to ever have to endure with a sister.  Even sitting in the car, if her knee touched my knee, it would send us into a fight.  I can see why we drove my mom nuts at times.  But you know what?  We are good friends today and outgrew petty fighting.  My sister has called me in desperate times and told me stuff she has not told anyone in our family and I have been there to help her.  When she comes to visit, she actually is the most helpful family member when it comes to giving me a hand with Annie.  We actually are complete opposites to this day but I see her for who she is, which is a really caring and compassionate person with a big heart.  We have a great relationship and her visits now are the best.  She lives in Colorado and I miss having her around more often.  Having a sister in life really is a treasure not everyone gets to have and I’m pretty lucky to have a good one to claim and be proud of.

My sister and I at my baby shower she threw for me when pregnant with Annie.  And look, we are touching shoulders without fighting or pulling each others hair, we survived all those years of fighting! #bestsistersever

When I got pregnant the second time, Aaron was 110% certain it was a girl.  I was about 64.7% certain.  And Aaron was perfectly content with having all girls, never disappointed at the idea.  With Annie, we had a nice dinner out and opened the envelope and found out together it was a girl and called our families.  This time around, I wanted something different but yet special to find out the gender.  I know these over the top gender reveal parties are a big thing right now, I think they are fun and cute but they seem like a lot of work.  I did not want to go to a lot of work for a party being we just moved and this pregnancy has left me feeling less than ideal on most days.  We had been recommended by a few people about this place in Des Moines called Prenatal Vision.  They have professional ultrasound technicians on staff and they provide the ultimate experience for live gender reveals.  So we set the appointment and invited our close family. 

When we walked into Prenatal Vision, they have a really cute boutique baby store up front.  After some paperwork, we were called back to the ultrasound room.  It was a very spacious room with soft cushy couches and chairs for our family and a huge viewing screen.  The ultrasound technician was great, I thought it was the most in-depth (2D and 3D) ultrasound and she explained very slowly everything we were seeing and what our baby was doing then she said are you ready for the reveal?  And flashed up the screen in big letters was GIRL!  Of course my family all cheered and it was so fun to all find out together.  Annie was running around the room with her cousin and we were all telling her she was going to have a little sister.  I was ECSTATIC!  My eyes were watering I was so happy.  Of course I would be happy with a boy but all I could see was those little girls running around together and my heart was full!  When we left, we had the full live ultrasound on a dvd we could play back at home along with more print out images of our baby girl.  It really was the perfect experience.

17 weeks pregnant, can't wait to find out! 

Annie and her cousin Eli playing in the waiting room

Heart!

IT"S A GIRL!! 

3D of our baby girl's sweet face

It was also really special for my Grandparents and even my Parents, they had never seen a live ultrasound like this before, back in their times, they just didn’t have that technology so this felt like a gift to them to ‘meet’ their new granddaughter in a way they have never experienced before. 

Annie checking out her sister

Annie helping the tech out

Right before we left, I whispered to Aaron… “Should we tell them the name?”   And we decided it was the right moment to tell our family the name of our baby girl.  To all my readers, you will know her as Baby C (first initial) until her arrival comes.

First family pic of 4

And thank goodness it was a girl because we were struggling with boy names.   So as you probably have figured out from the beginning of this post, many years ago we wanted Jack for our boy name.  Then it became so popular that we changed it to Jackson.  Well then that became popular and so we changed it again to Jaxon (basically pronounced the same but we could use Jax for short).  Aaron was in love with that name and as my friends started to have more and more Jackson’s, I started to lose interest.  My top 3 up to our gender reveal was Hudson, Micah and Jaxon.  And we had no good middle names that went with those options.  Aaron wasn’t big on my other names, apparently because of the Hawkeye football player, we couldn’t have a Micah Hyde.  And even though I loved Hudson, Aaron was still stuck on Jaxon.  But when it came to girl names, it was a no-brainer.  We had the first and middle name down before she was even conceived (and I get the credit for her name btw, luckily Aaron loved it).  So having a girl just took the stress out of the name game.  We never even questioned the name Annie Ashton, we had her name way before too so girl names just seem easier for us to agree on.

What also makes having a girl fun is all of Annie’s old clothes we can pull back out for Baby C.  I’m a little in love with Annie’s wardrobe and can’t wait to dress Baby C in them.  Being that my due date will put them at 2 years and 1 month apart, the seasons should match up pretty well.  We are going to get started on Baby C’s room soon, I think we will keep it pretty close to how Annie’s room is designed, which is white furniture, light grays and pinks. 

And although they will have to share a bathroom, they will have separate sinks – sister fights are inevitably in our future… but the treasure of sisterly love will withstand the test of time. 

Answered Prayers

 When I was pregnant with Annie leading up to delivery, it was no walk in the park but overall went pretty normal.   This pregnancy I expected no different but I was dead wrong.  This pregnancy has been a stressful, emotional roller coaster and far more difficult than the 1^st time around…

1^st trimester I had very intense headaches, headaches that were so bad, my equilibrium was thrown off.  I haven’t been nauseous but my gagging reflexes are out of control to the point where I’ve been throwing up, even to this day far into my 2^nd trimester.  I’ve been tired but more so just have that worn down feeling all the time.  I just don’t feel like myself whatsoever.  And you know what?  That doesn’t even come close to scratching the surface of what we’ve been dealing with lately.  

Several weeks ago, I went from an incredible high to a crashing low.  We had just found out on a Saturday that our little baby’s gender was a girl, I was so full of energy that day and was on cloud 9 about finding out we were having another girl.  I seriously smiled all day long.   Later in that week, I kept having a missed call and really didn’t think much of it or even put any effort to look up the number.  Thursday afternoon, I was working from home (thank GOD) and the number called again and this time I answered.  It was my Ob-Gyn office and within the first 30 seconds I could tell it wasn’t a good call… it was a doctor on the other line, not a nurse.  She had some test results from my latest lab draw that she wanted to review with me.  She started by telling me that the down-syndrome test came back fine and normal BUT that my alpha fetoproteins (AFP) levels came back elevated which is an indicator for a neural tube defect (brain or spine)/spina bifida or an opening in the baby’s abdominal wall.  Normal results would not trigger a phone call if they were 1 in 145 chances or greater.  My elevations equated to a 1 in 4 chance.  I couldn’t even process what she was telling me.  My first question was how did this happen?  What did I do?  What should I be doing?  The answer was nothing.  I didn’t do a thing nor was there anything I can start doing but would need to be seen be a perinatal specialist as the results were just an indicator, not a diagnosis.  I would have an in-depth ultrasound to determine if there are any defects in our precious baby’s developing body.  

It felt like a ton of bricks came crashing down on me, my mind was racing and I couldn’t imagine anything less than the perfect image of health in the toddler we have now, I was completely overwhelmed.   We started Googling to learn more and I read enough to make the situation worst that I decided from that point on that I would not Google it any further until we know the results; that we had to plug 100% into our faith in God and put our trust in Him alone.   And as hard as it was, I didn’t Google it once for those next few weeks leading up our appointment nor have I Googled anything since.

My perinatal appointment was a long 2 week wait.  I was desperate in prayer, my tank of joy was already on low prior to this and this just zapped what little was left.  My headaches were out of control and I mostly just did a lot of moping around.  I tried to find joy in playing with Annie but looking into her precious eyes just made it hurt more because I just couldn’t imagine anything other than her perfection of health.  Of course I would love our baby just as much no matter what health she may enter this world in but it just overwhelmed me that I was now in a situation where it could be a reality.

I think I told Aaron daily that I was terribly anxious of our appointment and I just want to get it over with.  During this wait, I got a really bad head cold, Annie had 2 severe ear infections back to back that landed us in Urgent Care and the doctor’s office thereafter twice.  I woke up most nights not able to fall back to sleep for hours on end.   And not to leave Aaron out of the ‘fun’, Annie decided to push the exact combination of buttons to erase Aaron’s entire phone that houses all his client’s data.  I was on the brink of losing my mind.    

During this time, we had our Christmas weekend with our family.  I got thru the weekend but my headaches were intense and I feel like I missed out on a lot because I needed to step away and lay down in a quiet room often as all the stimulation of everyone was making my anxiety run high.  I was in tears that I barely made it thru helping Annie open her gifts as my mind was elsewhere in that moment.

But in light of the storm we were (are) in, I had (and have) a lot of hope though that everything would be okay.  The biggest piece of hope I had is that the week we got this call, we just had a thorough ultra sound to find out our baby’s gender.  And the ultra sound tech showed us her brain, her spine, her little baby belly and kept saying we have a healthy baby girl.  I also looked back at every situation in my life where I felt hopeless and how God pulled us thru every single circumstance we’ve been thru so far and we ended up on the other side better than we could ever imagine, never once in my life can I say God has failed us.  Underneath all my layers of stress, anxiety and worry, I truly and honestly felt everything is going to be okay, regardless of results.

My close support system during this time was the most amazing they’ve ever been.  I had a good friend who dropped what she was doing to take a call to talk thru things with me.  I had a friend who shared some powerful scripture with me, in particular 2 Corinthians 1 8-9 “For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.  But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”  Wow did that resonate with me; I spent a lot of time thinking on that verse.  I had friends’ texting me thru the week, letting me know they were praying.  One the day of, I had several friend’s reach out to me first thing in the morning saying hey I know today is the day, I’m thinking of you and praying hard for you.  I had confided in one coworker who said you know what, I had a similar experience with one of my babies and the results were wrong and she is perfectly healthy today.   Hope.Love.Support…surrounded us.

I also went for the first time to a prayer service at my church.  I met a lady who felt like my Godsend.  She prayed a prayer over me that brought tears streaming down my face.  She prayed for things I didn’t even tell her I was dealing with that moved me.  I left there feeling very touched by her prayer and it brought me a lot of peace that evening.   Aaron holding my hand and praying aloud for our baby brought me peace.  My support system really humbled me that so many of our close friends and family cared so very much and were deeply concerned.

The morning of our appointment, we walked into the Perinatal Center for the first time ever.  The first thing I saw was a couple sitting in the waiting room, she had her head on her husband’s chest and they had a somber look in their eyes.  On the wall was a listing of perinatal services, not one thing listed was something a mother would ever want to be seen for.  I knew at that moment, everyone in this waiting room have been dealt some sort of terrible news about their precious baby.  When our name was called, we first met with a Genetics Counselor, she was really comforting and reassuring in our consultation.  I felt my hope grow stronger.  She mentioned that if the ultrasound seems to be going extra-long or they are spending extra time looking at the brain or spine, don’t be alarmed, that usually means they are just making absolute sure there is nothing there they are missing.  She also mentioned that these things they are looking for usually are very noticeable and are seen right away in an ultrasound so she mentioned that if I just had a normal ultrasound right before my phone call that was really hopeful going into this.  And she also mentioned what I reminded myself often of leading up to this, my chances were 1 in 4, which meant 3 in 4 likelihood nothing is wrong whatsoever with my baby.   Lots to remain hopeful for.

We were then moved into our ultrasound; I couldn’t sit back and just enjoy watching my baby bounce around on the screen because I was looking for any little thing that looked wrong.   My eyes couldn’t tell if I was seeing any holes in my little baby’s brain or spine.  I kept taking really deep breaths in and out and my ultrasound tech kept asking me if I’m okay, I replied yes just nervous.  When it was over, all I could think was that went way to fast, I didn’t feel like she spent an extra-long time on the spine or brain, that makes me worried she saw something right away.

When we left the ultrasound room, we were greeted by a nurse who then made me frustrated.  She said that we had over an hour before the doctor would get to our results and we should probably just leave and grab lunch and come back.  Really?  More waiting?  So we left and I immediately told Aaron I didn’t feel good about how the ultrasound went and I was not hungry whatsoever.  We ended up still grabbing lunch and on the way back I started to really panic saying I don’t want to go back, I don’t want to hear one way or another, I just can’t do this right now… I literally wanted to go home, crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend none of this was happening.  We pulled into one of our Church’s parking lots and said a prayer in the car together and walked back into the Perinatal Center to get our results.

The doctor walked in and immediately said before she even sat down – everything looks good, we don’t see any neural tube defects present, the baby is healthy with 97% confidence.   I completely bursted into tears, relieved and clasped my hands saying to myself “Thank you GOD! Thank you GOD!”  The doctor explained that my AFP levels are high, higher than a usual high reading so she can’t shake it as a false-positive result, that there is an issue.  She said that when they can rule out the baby, they look at the placenta.  My placenta had no tumors present or any red flags but she said that basically she feels pretty certain that my placenta will eventually stop giving the baby the nutrients she needs and my baby’s growth will become restricted to the point where she likely will be a smaller baby and will result in an earlier delivery.  Again, this was just her perception of where my pregnancy was heading without any real results that proves 100% this will be my case.

I asked a lot of questions, one being if I should be checked out for why my levels are high that could be non-pregnancy related, maybe something is wrong with me and could solve my headache issue.  She got very direct with me and verbatim told me not to look past the ‘elephant in the room’ and said it’s your placenta, I’m telling you I’ve seen this enough to know that’s where this is heading.   She then harped on me for a good 40 minutes about eating healthy.  That is the only thing I can do at this time is to eat as healthy as I possibly can so that the baby is being delivered the best nutrients possible while my placenta is getting her what she needs.  My baby’s growth is on track today and she is getting her nutrients so make it count while I can, especially on making sure I get my protein intake in my diet.  She said that she has seen in a few instances this situation where pregnancies making it full term just by eating healthy.  Now eating healthy alone likely will not change my path but it will make a difference.   But she also did mention that I shouldn’t get so completely consumed by this that I don’t allow myself a treat every now and then but let’s make at least a 70% change in my diet.  Totally do-able!  That’s a 4.5 month sacrifice I can make and honestly I was aware I needed to eat healthier, I just needed a wake-up call to get my butt in gear, wish it could have been under other circumstances though…

We left with a plan, I would be seen bi-weekly, once by the Perinatal center, then by my normal ob-gyn, then at 32 weeks, I’ll be seen weekly and if the baby’s starts falling behind in growth, I’ll be then seen twice a week to monitor if early delivery is necessary.

When we left, I felt relieved and frequently thanked God for our answered prayer.  But I wasn’t leaving complete reassured, I felt like the doctor is expecting growth issues and the unknowns still rests heavy in my mind but my hope isn’t shattered.  God answered our prayers big time and He has never left our side. Ever. I went home that night and slept completely sound for the first time in weeks. 

Fast forward later that week, by Wednesday I started to feel like things felt more manageable.  Then on Friday I went in for my normal ob-gyn appointment and my doctor walks in and first said thank goodness for my results and we talked thru them.  But then she told me that my AFP isn’t just high, it’s off the charts high, like over 2x the level it should be and she was shocked by my results and really thought this was a neural tube defect.  We also talked about what’s to come and she said… ‘preparing for complications’ and ‘we have to watch for preclampsia.’  Ugh, the words I fear most!   I really like my doctor, I don’t think she was trying to scare the living daylights out of me but as my doctor, she wants to make sure we are on the same page and I know she is watching this pregnancy closely now.

Leaving that appointment, I was once again completely overwhelmed.  I told Aaron I was scared.  Like really, really scared and not ready for what may come.  I also told him I knew my levels were high but she just said that are ridiculously high and I just get the sense from my perinatal doctor and my ob doctor that they really foresee bumps starting in week 32.  Luckily Aaron is really good at handling this type of stuff and knows how to level me out when I start worrying like crazy.  Shortly after we left, I got this email from him:

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Love you very much!

What better husband and father could I ask for?!  Thank God I married a man of faith. 

That day, it really sunk in for me that we didn’t just have an answered prayer, we got a miracle.  What an emotional roller coaster, I had tears of joy/humbled by our miracle but yet tears of being terrified for the unknowns.  My levels are high and we don’t know why today that is.  I don’t want to worry, stress or fear what’s ahead but I have to be honest that I am scared.  But God’s plan prevails.  I put my full trust that God will carry us thru this.  I’m still prayerful and hopeful all will be okay.  I keep seeing this vision in my mind where next summer, I’m sitting on the couch and Annie is playing and Baby C (1^st initial!) is crawling on the floor and I’m healthy, Baby C is healthy, Annie is certainly more than healthy and being her ornery self and our family is complete and happy beyond anything we can ever imagine.  I can’t wait for that day  when this comes full circle and will never take those moments for granted, ever.

So forgive me for the long, mostly depressing blog post!  And forgive me if I’m not myself lately.  Forgive me if I forget to ask you how YOU are because I’m so focused in another thought.  Forgive me if I need to step away and lay down because I’m dealing with a headache.  Right now, I’m focusing on praying for Baby C throughout my day but then resuming back to my day.  I’m done and sick and tired of sitting between prayers consumed by worry.  This is Christmas week, the sin of worrying isn’t going to rob me from my family and friends and take my joy.  And how fitting that we are celebrating the BIRTH of our Savior?  A sweet baby born into this world to save us all.  Let us put our joy in the good news.  

If you are reading this though, can do you do us a favor?  Pray for us.  Pray for Baby C’s health, pray for my health.  Pray that I stay hopeful and faithful.  Pray that I have a completely normal full-term pregnancy and the doctors are dead wrong.   We’ve gotten a miracle and answered prayer in this journey so far, with God nothing is impossible.  Praise God for answered prayers!

“And we are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for” 1 John 5:14-15.  

We Are Having A Baby! We Are Having A Baby!

Big news in our house!  Our family is growing by 1 next year.  My official due date is May 6^th but our baby GIRL will be delivered in my 39^th week so really the birth date will be the last week of April.  And YES it’s a GIRL!  I’m in my 17^th week right now, darn near half done with this pregnancy.

This little squirt is sticking her tongue out when I wasn't looking, showing her true colors about not being an only child anymore.

So a little backstory, before we got married, Aaron told me he wanted 4 or 5 kids.  I laughed at him and told him he is with the wrong girl, I liked kids but never really had a motherly instinct that craved to really have any of my own.  My thought was, let my friends have kids and I can just love on them but I don’t have to be responsible for them.  At the time, I told him 2 would be my max.  Then years later, we got married.  We decided to hold off on kids and enjoy the married life.  Well married life got really comfortable, almost too comfortable to the point that I even questioned if I wanted kids at all still.  Once I turned 30, I just started to get set in my ways.  Aaron and I had (and still do!) a really close, strong marriage but we were also at that time very independent of each other.  He worked late or went to work functions in the evening, I worked out, met up with friends at my leisure, and every Wednesday evening I would go to Banana Republic and buy myself a new outfit.  Every.Single.Week!  Aaron and I had nice long meals at nicer restaurants every weekend, date nights were often and plentiful.  Yep, my life was pretty easy peasy, I did what I wanted, when I wanted and had tons of free time on my hands.  Why in the world would I ever trade that in for kids, I thought.  I’m happy and didn’t know the wiser.   Also during this time, Aaron’s opinion on kids changed as well, it all happened when we started vacationing; he loved vacations so much that he was fine with putting off having kids.  I know we sounded totally selfish, didn’t we?!  So we were.

Love how Annie is checking out her little sister here

Fast forward a few years and I realized I wasn’t getting younger and I would never be mentally ready for kids.  I mean, if we loved to vacation, how could we vacation in our retirement years if we still had kids in the house?  We probably needed to have kids soon so it wouldn’t interfere with our retirement {selfish talk again}.  I talked to Aaron and we decided we both felt that same way, we will never mentally be ready for kids so let’s just have one and see what happens.  And that’s just what we did.  And it happened so quickly that we kinda just looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders and thought well no turning back now.  Pregnancy was not as fun as I thought it would be but overall I was pretty healthy and so was Annie so no real complaints.   Then Annie arrived, the first 6 months were a blur and life changed substantially.  The biggest change was never realizing how independent Aaron and I lived our lives, if I needed to leave the house, someone needed to watch Annie.  Coming and going didn’t happen as freely as it did before baby.  Nice dinners out got traded for ordering to go and new outfits every Wednesday was more like buying baby clothes online, shopping for me was a distant thought.  Working out got pushed to the back burner and hanging out with friends just was a little further and fewer between.   And vacations?  Well we were still determined to vacation once in a while.

Once we got into our groove, Annie’s personality bubbled and this girl really stole our hearts.  Badly.  Our Annie is the light of our lives and without her, life was not nearly as full as I thought it was.  Yes I probably would have lived on a happy life, not knowing any different but I’m really, really glad we decided to take the plunge into parenthood.  I would never trade in my life today for my life in the past.  

Tell your Father how you really feel about Baby #2 Annie... 

Since our little Annie is a firecracker, Aaron is now easily convinced that 2 is enough for him.  I’m actually the one that has pressed the topic of 3 over the past year.  The tables have turned.   But 2 is our max.  I don’t know if Aaron and I are truly ready this soon for a second one but our desire is mainly for Annie to have a sibling and preferably one close in age.  So this year I told Aaron, let’s have another and he said okay let’s do this and sure enough, just as quickly as I got pregnant with Annie, so did I with baby #2. 

Not that it was any surprise then to find out I was pregnant with baby #2 but our reaction was far different.  With Annie, I took a test and we were happy but we were also like well no turning back now.  When I told Aaron he in a little awe shock too and then about an hour after I told him I was pregnant with Annie he kinda had a crisis and freaked out on me on finding a new job because I working for a bank that was getting sold and at that time, I didn’t care if I lost my job or not and now with baby on the way, my job situation changed dramatically.  With Baby #2, we walked thru our new house in the framing stage, I took him to Baby #2’s room and told him there and he actually teared up with joy.  I feel like baby #1 was kinda surreal all the time and baby #2 we are really appreciating the news more and it just feels like we are more genuinely joyous.  Don’t get me wrong, we were joyous with Annie but the whole unknowns and questioning if we were ready for parenthood had us a little on edge.  Well good news is, we are ready.  We’ve kept one alive, fed, breathing, beyond loved on, and spoiled for almost 2 years, pretty sure we can add another one to the mix successfully. 

The only thing I can’t fathom is how in the world am I going to share my love that I have for Annie with another one?!  I love her so incredibly much and can’t even imagine loving 2 kids as much as I love her.  Good news is… I do know our hearts will find space to love 2 kids equally as much as we love our one now.  Parenthood is truly amazing and I can’t believe we are blessed enough to be parents to 2 little girls.  My heart is SO incredibly full!  We are having another baby!  We are having another baby!  I can’t stop saying it!  

By the way, when we first saw this commercial, we died laughing, this is Aaron and I to a 'T'!  Never say Never!  Life's NEVER been sooo good with where we are today...