6 Weeks Postpartum

This week I had my 6 week postpartum checkup so thought it would be a good time to blog an update.   

Let’s start at week 1.  Week 1 was tough.  I was an emotional roller coaster, which isn’t like me at all.  I was very upset with how my birthing experience went.   I felt robbed of this ‘joyful experience’ that everyone talks about.  Yes, I was extremely happy and beyond grateful that we had a healthy baby girl but I was so overwhelmed with everything that happened at the hospital that it was very difficult for me to feel that joyful feeling which also made me feel guilty, like why was I not having this amazing feeling despite everything that happened?  Instead I was full of anxiety and was dealing with terrible side effects of having a c-section and was so exhausted.  There were moments of happiness, especially when holding our little Annie but the majority of that week was just flat out stressful.

Week 1 – 2 adjusting to a newborn wasn’t too difficult actually.   Aaron was around for the first week and helped out quite a bit.  By week 2 I finally rid my body of all those crazy hormones and stopped having meltdowns.  Thankfully!  Haven’t had a meltdown since. 

Recovering from a c-section is serious stuff folks.  I knew it would be bad but I didn’t know how bad it really is.  It’s tough.  Everything you do pulls at those muscles and inflicts pain.  It took me 5 ½ weeks before I started to feel completely normal.  I’m not patient at all so the recovery was really frustrating for me.  I have many friends who have had c-sections and I’ve never thought much of it honestly, never thought of them as any ‘lesser of a mom’ for having one but for some reason I felt like a complete failure for having one.  The feelings of  ‘failure’ have now passed, as I had mentioned in a previous post, I know it happened for a reason to keep my little Annie healthy and on a positive note I can’t look back and say I should have done this or I should have tried that… I gave it my ALL.  So that helps me put it to peace that I have nothing I can say I could have done within my control to change the outcome.   

I am a bit disappointed though, during my 6 week checkup, I asked if I am a good candidate for a VBAC down the road and how long is appropriate to wait.  The doctor said that in my situation, because Annie got stuck on my bone structure the chances are slim, 13% success rate for a VBAC in this situation.  And the chances of uterine rupture is 1% which is low and rare but the possibility still exists.  Not what I wanted to hear at all! I already know that will now be a stressful decision as to what I decide to opt for in how I deliver my next baby when that time comes.

Lately my last few weeks have been lots of ‘fun’ sorting thru $45,000 worth of doctor bills.  Yes, $45,000!  Thank goodness for insurance!  But I’m the type that won’t just pay something without understanding what I’m paying for so combing thru the medical lingo and making the phone calls to understand what all the charges are for has been a headache. 

I just started working out again.  I’m really motivated to get back into shape.  I was at one of my favorite stores Banana Republic and haven’t shopped there in months, all the cute clothes!  ARG!  I can’t wait to drop this baby weight!  Some days I feel ‘skinny-ish’ and other days I feel like I have a ways to go to get back into shape. 

Hanging out with Annie all day long is good stuff.   When I was pregnant I would really take notice to other pregnant people and newborns.  Now since I have a newborn, I really take notice to older babies and toddlers; can’t wait till she is a little older and we can play and read.  Until then holding her in my arms, smelling the top of her head for that sweet baby scent and dreaming of what little personality she will have and what her thoughts are and as crazy as it sounds, I’ve been dreaming of her wedding too!   Why in the world would I ever want her to grow up so fast I’m not sure but I have fun holding her and dreaming up this BIG life I have envisioned for her.   And at times I hold her and think to myself, has this all really sunk in for me yet?  I’m a MOM!  That is a serious title.  I also think back to when Aaron and I started dating and then my mind goes thru this crazy 9 year time warp of how we got to where we are today and I’m like holy crap we have a baby!!  CRAZINESS!   I know… I think way too much!  I’m terrible at over-thinking and analyzing everything!  What if my baby is a little mini-me over analyzer!?  Yikes! 

Anywho, the last 6 weeks has been an adventure, having a baby is a game changer, that’s for sure but in a good way.  This is going to be a BIG year, I just know it.  SO much to look forward to!